no one sings stastics

I've given up asking God to give life. Month after month the blood flows. It's faithless, and those who rarely watch and pray can look down their nose. Not that he cant, or even that he wont. But I'm sick of watching him not.

Meanwhile the peaceful pray for peace, the strong for strength, survivors survive to sing songs of survival. No one sings statistics.

I cant tell you that he died,
before you had a chance to know him,
before you even knew he lived.
I cant tell you if he even did
inside that empty mocking tomb,
or if, prepared and placed
and left and left he left that space
I cant tell you
Because you cant tell me
'he will rise'


generations squeezed into the soil
Aiding and abetting the cover up
the land still sucks it up
like petrol on a fire

tears soak into sheol
the sandy sponge aint full enough yet.
I have a drink of tea, some Tv, a cake, a sleep, a think, lunch and second lunch.
the belly certainly protrudes but
it is never enough
there is no new life.

Ok, this one isn't necessarily the worst, but one of the weirder uncomfortable conversations. While with two complete strangers ( I've never met them before), stranger 1 tells me about stranger 2's next door neighbour, who was pregnant and going to have twins but then miscarried. S1 tells me that S2 has been very good about it. They organised some kind of meal roster before the miscarriage and continued on anyway afterwards.
I had no idea why they were telling me this.
S1 says ' It is good to know these things, otherwise you might put your foot in it'
bizarre

Awkward conversations 1

It is not that asking if you have kids is bad question. It's just a hurtful question for those who would dearly love to have kids but for some reason it has not happened. When you first meet a person, one of the first things they ask is 'do you have kids?'. The assumption is, when you have been married as long as we have and are at our age, the next step is to have kids. So the next question, half joking, is 'why not?'. What am I meant to say? " Oh yes we've been trying for a few years and yes we've tried IVF, and no, it didn't work for us, excuse me while I go and crumble in the corner". Of course you never say this, you just make some feeble excuse ' it will happen when it happens.'...hoping that the conversation will move on from children.

dumb things to say (to anyone)

"So, when are you going to have kids then"

why

As some of you know, we have been trying to have kids for a number of years now.
We have decided to start this blog as a space for the both of us to air some thoughts, record part of the experience, and let out some news.

Infertility is a weird thing.
On the one hand, you don't want to talk about it (so if you read this blog, please don't think we want to talk about it all the time)
but on the other hand, you don't want to be alone in the grief.

You want people to know without you having to tell them.
Hooray for blogland.

We hope that over time it might become a resource and encouragement for other people who have trouble conceiving and bearing children.